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Posted by: Fegore Posted on: 16.04.2020

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There are certain things that strong military relationships have. Perhaps you are already dating someone in the military but want to know more before making a serious commitment. If you are considering seriously dating a man or woman in the military, there are a few things to consider. Need more on military life? Check out the Ultimate Handbook for modern military spouses and significant others.

Dating a marine veteran

Let me start by saying this is not an article from a marriage expert. No, I am the furthest thing from it.

DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL. If you are extremely sensitive, being with a combat veteran is probably not a good idea for you. When you're with a dude that spent the last decade hanging with other dudes, there's a very good chance - he's gonna treat you like a dude. Dating a combat veteran is hard. "Hard" is an adjective that means "requiring a great deal of effort," in case you were wondering. Which makes me rethink the adjective I just used to describe what dating a combat vet is like. A better word may be demanding. At any rate, being in a romantic relationship with someone who has contributed firsthand to the atrocities of war is by no means a cakewalk. Dec 10,   I had no intention of ever dating a military man. While I am in awe of the military spouse, I know myself well enough to know that I would have .

In fact, I have been divorced twice. Phil's blog. In this article, I am not going to pretend that I know anything about being in a military family. I truly believe it takes a very special type of individual to make a commitment to a person who will spend half of their life away deployed, or even away at schools and training. It also takes a very strong person to raise children in a happy home without day to day help.

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To all of you who make those sacrifices every day, you are amazing! God bless you and your family. I have known my partner Nick, for about 4 years.

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Nick is a Special Operations Marine Corps veteran. He had been out of the military just briefly and was truly just starting his transition.

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We had sort of a rocky, messy start. But I can honestly say we are constantly evolving and learning more about ourselves and one another everyday.

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By no means do I pretend to understand the depths of pain and sadness that combat veterans face. I can only imagine that it would be like living out your worst nightmares and never being able to wake up.

Why marines shouldn't get into relationships

An entire generation of our country's men were growing up in combat all the while, most of us were enjoying college, having bbqs, and complaining about the temperature of our lattes. They were fighting wars and watching their friend's die.

For those who came home in one piece, we we are faced with the invisible wounds of war. Post-traumatic stress is real.

Jun 16,   If you are dating a combat veteran however, the experiences can be a whole lot different than with anyone else. Here are some things you might want to know about before or while you are dating a combat veteran. Many veterans (and friends of veterans) love our Military flags, American flags and Flag Poles to proudly fly and remember their friends who paid the ultimate price. Dating a marine is not like dating a guy or a girl in a regular job. The marines have to maintain a code of conduct in the public and are even proud of the high standards of behavior expected of them. As his/her partner, it is best if you too understand and respect these traditions.

Traumatic brain injuries are real. Insomnia, low testosterone, depression, hyper-vigiliance, all of those things are real. One thing that most partners of veterans won't talk about, is that fact that their significant other can't sleep in the bed with them.

We are talking about people who have spent over a decade sleeping alone on a cot. Nick sleeps like he's in a freakin coffin, he likes hard surfaces, his woobie, and he doesn't like to be touched.

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So as a partner of a combat veteran, how do you help your partner while also addressing the needs and desires you have as a human being? This is for BOTH of you. If you're in a relationship with someone who has been in a high-stress envoirment for over a decade, it is time for them to receive the care they need.

I am talking about sleep, healthy eating, working out regularly, and dealing with low testosterone.

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My life is a constant cycle of scheduling, meal-prep, and holistic therapies. Our household is set up for success and it took us a while to get there. Cleaning out the pantry of junk, making the gym a priority and forcing ourselves to go to bed early has become our new norm. The biggest support you can offer someone in recovery is lifestyle change. If you want to be in a healthy relationship with someone, you both have to be healthy and whole yourselves.

If you are extremely sensitive, being with a combat veteran is probably not a good idea for you. When you're with a dude that spent the last decade hanging with other dudes, there's a very good chance - he's gonna treat you like a dude.

It's always good to express your feelings, wants, desires and needs, but it's important to know that the way your partner operates and communicates is not as much a reflection of the way he feels about you, but more maybe a reflection of the way he feels about himself.

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Practice letting things go. I am not encouraging you to enable emotional abuse. But I am reminding you to be understanding. Speak with a counselor if you are looking for a third party to listen and hear you out.

Nick has best described his time in the military as a moving train. Constantly going forward full speed in a clear direction. You need to understand that the military is a brotherhood. Military men may never have closer relationships than those they made in the military.

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That is not a good thing or a bad thing, that is just a matter of fact and something you need to understand. It is not a competition between his military friends and you; they are people who shared a very intimate part of his life, and you should want to be close with them, too.

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Related: The unconventional relationship is the norm in the military. Appreciate his loyalty. Many military creeds reference loyalty or unity. Military men are used to their band of brothers, and are bred to be loyal and protective. He will love you fiercely and be the most faithful companion, if you can promise the same.

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Get over the air of authority. Granted, that is earned due to the nature of their work and how much they put on the line. However, in the civilian world, or in a relationship, it may be a little hard to deal with.

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His way is the best way because he knows best. You need to understand this and realize how difficult it is.

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Recognize the invisible wounds. Not every soldier comes home with post-traumatic stress. However, for those who do, there is nothing wrong with that. Just keep in mind that the chances of him wanting to open up and talk about it let alone seek help are slim to none, at least at first.

This will be trying for you, but imagine how he feels. Expect sleepless nights, and bouts of being on the receiving end of awkward silences. These things happen. You need to try your hardest to understand, get him to eventually talk about it preferably to a professional and pretty much avoid all triggers like war movies. Enjoy the fun facts. You will be inundated with more random facts about places like the Middle East or the South than you care to cram into your brain.

Trust me, eventually, they will come up. I won a round of trivia just because I knew the currency in Bahrain. I am a sucker for someone who is passionate about his work. Service members fight to defend our country.

Let him do the driving. Military men are used to being thrown into countries and situations with which they are unfamiliar, so when traveling, always expect to have a great navigator around.

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