Breaking up is never easy. Breaking up when your partner is struggling with a psychiatric disorder can be downright painful. But there comes a time in every relationship when it may be necessary to evaluate your options and make difficult choices. No one wants to be accused of abandoning a loved one at their time of greatest need. But neither should you remain in a strained relationship with no conceivable future out of a sense of duty or guilt. Otherwise you may be consumed by guilt or self-doubt, wondering if you did all you could do for your partner - and your relationship.
I have a lot of experience with dating sites, and I can tell you that some dating sites are worse than others. From a woman's standpoint, I can tell you that I was once on five different dating sites at the same time.
I was 60 when I started looking for a suitable man. I am 5'8" and reasonably nice-looking with a few extra pounds but by no means heavy. I describe myself as "curvy. Like you, I'm not full of myself, but I know that I have a lot to offer the right guy, and I refused to settle for just anybody.
Like you, for a while, I started questioning my own attractiveness, as I was approached by the homeliest men, and I happen to prefer tall men with light hair and light eyes. They don't have to have a perfect physique, but they need to be somewhat in shape. Many of the guys who approached me were unkempt, grossly overweight or extremely illiterate. For a while, I was going to give up on online dating, but, because I led a busy life, I kept going out on dates, and I had to kiss a number of frogs before finding my "prince", my current husband.
He is tall with light hair and blue eyes.
For dating someone makes me depressed matchless
He's physically fit and nice-looking. More importantly, we have similar interests and we get along very well. We got engaged a few months after meeting. We still have "issues", but, all things considered, I think I did the right thing. Some people get discouraged by Internet dating and have more luck finding people in person.
Every time I did that and went to a bar, I found married men or younger men looking for a quick hookup. Online dating allowed me to screen men and weed out those who were undesirable to me.
I don't think women or men have an advantage. It all depends on the site.
7 Signs Someone With Depression Likes You
On SeniorFriendFinder, women seem to have the advantage. Same on AdultFriendFinder. However, on Match. I'm glad you brought up this subject. I think Internet dating can be depressing for members of both sexes, unless you find someone with whom you click. Just remember.
Dating someone makes me depressed
You only need to find one person! Foxy lady that is my experience. I like men over 6ft and this is stated on my dating page. I am 5ft 7 and get messaged by men whom are 5ft 6. I don't like bald men either but still get bombarded. They r all over weight, unkempt taking no consideration towards their appearance.
They also lie quite frequently in their aim to impress. Men seem to be all frogs and I feel I will never find my prince. I don't want a player and the site is full if them Playing n cheating is why my exes and I broke up. Men on the site also lie about their jobs whereas I don't I am highly intelligent and have a high flying job. Foxy lady I really hope to meet my prince but I have been single now for 5 months and have literally given up hope.
U r right about match. It's as above and zoosk is just a waste of time as well. Bars and clubs U r right players or married men. Where are the good men these days? I suspect many of the so-called good ones are already taken. Prior to joining a dating site, I had a stormy relationship which almost ruined me for other men.
I was widowed at the time, and I guess I was looking for excitement. Well, I sure got that, but the man was definitely not relationship material. Seven months isn't a long time for a gal to be looking.
Apologise, dating someone makes me depressed much necessary. Really?
It took me about two years to find my husband, and I was the one who approached him which is usually not my style. In July ofI saw his picture on a dating site, but he was looking for women between the ages of 40 and 58 and I was around So, I wrote to him and said I know I don't fit your age range, but something about your picture and profile piqued my interest. He responded within a half hour and told me that his late wife would have been a month older than I am, so age wasn't an issue, and the rest, as we say, is history.
I used to make up names for these sites. Some of the names weren't very nice. Basically, because people can be anyone they want to be on these sites, they take advantage of this and lie through their teeth.
I actually saw a man who posted a picture of a guy who resembled Frank Sinatra. He also was quite articulate and called himself Joe. I agreed to meet him, but, when I did, he looked at least 10 years older than his picture and he wanted me to get into his truck.
Sometime depressed people may use drugs or alcohol. If this is the case, walking away may be your only choice. Your children's emotional well-being and physical safety must be your first priority.
I told him "No thank you", waited till he drove off first so he couldn't follow me home and left. To add insult to injury, this Joe guy went on another dating site, didn't post a picture and called himself "Frank" and approached me again.
I responded by writing, "If your name is really Frank and not Joe, I'm willing to meet you. I decided to phone him at a different time and his voice mail said, "This is Joe. Please leave me a message and I'll get back to you. I wish you luck in finding someone on a dating site.
I tried Zoosk, OkCupid, Eharmony. SeniorFriendFinder worked out the best for me, except for the fact that women on there were, I hate to say it, "old biddies" and they didn't like me because they considered me competition - lol. Yeah I know foxie its finding that one prince. It's been 5 months since we split and I am desperately lonely and feel I need a man to fill the void. What's making it worse is that the ex told me not to get a bf as he needed to sort himself out.
He was an alcoholic and very abusive verbally to me.
You migraine dating someone makes me depressed idea Bravo, very
Funny thing is that he didn't verbally abuse his ex wife as she put up n shut up about his drinking. Me I just couldn'tI couldn't watch the man I loved drink himself to death and for that he punished me severely by having a one night stand although I found weeks if texts so I suspect it was more than this and then just walking out the door leaving me with 2 kids and not a look back.
What makes me cry is the why did he do this as just the day before we were looking at buying a new home and we was getting married in November. Never looked back once and has done no contact with me since June 1st when he left with all contact initiated by me. I present as being desperate to fill my void and I sit at home asking god why he allowed my ex to meet a new gf in which they have just clicked and I hear off my kids he tells her he lives her.
So he is happy and yet I sit at home alone. I have visions if their relationship lasting with no abuse especially as I hear she is timid and will put up with his drink. So he has landed on his feetwill probably go on to marry this one and he will continue to blame me for our split by telling his family I told u it was her my new gf has no problem with my drink. I question why god allowed him to have met the love in a new gf when I sit here lonely and I did nothing at all wrong to him.
Where's the karma and fairness in that it should be him lonely not me. He will never regret leaving me he is narcistic and has all the traits of being So. When will karma get him and when will I be happy. I have been trying to kid myself that I am over him I am not and I cry daily. Even the split with my ex husband of 11 years never hit me this hard. Alcoholic abusive and cheater and the loneliness makes me feel I want him back.
My days are so hard full of self pity and thoughts about him. I just want to meet my prince and karma to repay him for what he did. God life is so hard for me. You have men and women who aren't perfect 10s physically, but they're great people. My observation as man is that I can't even get a response from women who are average to above average looking, and I realize beauty is subjective, but I'm not going for the high maintenance 'babes' - because I don't want that.
I am the kind of man that women on there claim they want, but we can't even have a conversation. While my ex was very attractive to me, she had smarts and the qualities I look for. We were able to build out attraction over who we are and the physical didn't matter as much. We both kind of lucked out there. If she looked like the women that message me on these sites, it wouldn't have worked. She made a huge mistake leaving.
The break up was all on her and I can't control that, but I digress So what am I to do? I am in my early 30s, debt free except for my mortgage, have a dog, a car, and a Harley. I know what I want in a woman and that's all I'm missing. I want to have my own family. My ex and I isolated ourselves socially a little bit, so there's a lot of loneliness right now. House feels very empty. I can be happy when I'm by myself, however I like being in a healthy relationship.
I don't have a bunch of unreasonable requirements, but I won't settle either.
Feb 26, The experience is not fundamentally different than dating someone without a mental illness, but there are issues that are more likely to arise. Dating makes the situation even more difficult because there is more vulnerability. describing how severely depressed men might respond to . Jan 07, Buyer's remorse is a syndrome common in getting a new car, the excitement fades when the bills come in. The same can be said about the post-Christmas letdown, big vacations, long planned birthday bashes, and, yes, even relationships. The somewhat. Mar 18, Dating means allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to risk disappointment and rejection. Dating with depression carries the added burden of figuring out when and how much to reveal about your condition to the person you're dating. To tell or not to tell. We answer this question and offer expert advice on the art of courting with chronic depression.
I don't know where I should be looking. Hi I agree I am not after perfect 10's either. I don't want a FTP dead gorgeous man as the likelihood will be that he will be big headed and will not treat a woman correctly.
But dating sites seem to be full of stunners who are after one thing or men that are completely unattractive. Like you I did not expect to be in this position as my ex was well aware I wanted a life time partner.
Like you I am independenthave a high flying job, have a lovely 4 bed house, have a lot to offer. I feel just like you. My house is empty cold and lonely when my 2 children are with my ex. I became co-dependent on my ex due to his alcohol issues and the loneliness has hit me hard as with the abusive things he said I have days when I do not know my self worth. It's harder in ur late thirties and upwards as like foxie lady has said the good ones are already taken.
I am 40 and am finding it so hard to meet a genuine person. I get almost insulted at the men that bombard me on these poor dating sites and when I have spent 3 months looking on the sites and I see nothing but scraps it becomes disheartening. I need my void filled to help myself as well as I know My tears are because of loneliness.
I wish luck to both of us as on these sites we are sure going to need it x. Stay with it chantydani. Don't get disheartened. It may take a little time, but do try and focus on you, and not seek approval or get your self-esteem needs met by men. Look for independence in those areas and when you find a good man, as you will in time, you wont need him as much. Johnny Nicks's recent blog posts: Empathy or Projection?
My Own Issues. I guess one thing to keep in mind is that there are people like us out there. Some left us and others left because of the people they were with weren't good people or had too many issues. I say you shouldn't have any trouble finding someone being a pretty woman, but I'm in somewhat the same boat - can't even get one to even start a conversation with me on these sites!
How the heck can they know me if they won't even do that? It's so frustrating. I joined a new gym in town that just opened today, but I have no idea if that's a place to meet people. I always worked out at home or outside. Maybe just being a friendly and harmless face will pay off there someday.
I'm not going to sit in the bars and troll for women who are more likely than not going to have issues. I though about going to a church, but that feels wrong to go just to meet women. I believe in God, but that's besides the point. I just don't know what to do. Most of my friends are married, having kids, or getting married. Hi johnny nice to hear from you again. Hope you are well and thanks for your response. You are again correct as I do indeed feel I need a man to value my self worth and its wrong that I feel that way.
I am now thinking of joining a gym although I am thin anyway as I hear exercise helps self esteem issues. I still have my ups and downs and I really feel someone needs to wrap a baseball bat around my head to drum it in that I have list nothing but an abusive man who was an alcoholic and a cheat and I now have peace.
I was at a party recently at a friends and I became tearful under the influence of alcohol. A complete stranger asked me what was wrong A lad of only 25 years of age. I poured my heart out to him between my sobs.
I asked him why no men in clubs etc approached me. He said its because your good looking at men are too wary of the knock back. That upset me more as men don't know me so its funny how they judge.
I am tall, really long legs and get nothing but stares with no approaches. I remember all my exes feeling that I was going to cheat because of my looks but I never did. My exes best mate also tells me no way would he approach me if he never knew me. But its like johnny and foxielady said keep persevering and do not lose hope.
If we give up and don't put ourselves out there then we may be single for a long time. I am going to do what the guru's say and keep trying as they are the experts! In fact I am going to at least eye up every average to above Average man I see now and see where that gets me lol. No one understands why I have been single for 5 months but maybe like johnny has said it does not help me when I don't value me as I am sure men can see sadness in my eyes.
Yeah, my ex was 6 feet tall and I'm 6' 6" and she would always get stared at, but so far as I know nobody ever tried to approach her either. In the bars it's all the superficial stuff. Which is fine if that's what you're looking for. I would rather just get to know someone by talking, which is why the online dating thing seemed appealing to me. I met my ex online, but it wasn't online dating. She grew to like me through mutual interests and she pursued me.
It ended up being the best relationship I ever had. I don't understand it. The loneliness is the worst part. Yes the loneliness is awful. It's what I cry over. I hate it. It's though I need the void to be filled but like johnny has said we should not need a replacement partner to fill the void and loneliness so it is clear we both need to do some more work on our confidence etc.
I am going to continue to try Internet dating. I have met 7 men by talking to them over many weeks on dating sites, have met with them and established that they lie to impress, have used old photos, have gained significant weight, or have talked about their exes non stop. Although you may talk to women for weeks on a dating site, do not expect them to be as they portray As I have unfortunately found out.
I only meet people for 2 hours on first date but the one I met last night required a bail out after 20 minutes. I went to use the toilet and phoned my friend to request that she phoned me in 5 mins to pretend her car had broken down and for me to come and get her.
So she did and I promptly apologised and left. Why did I do this Because I sat there listening to some 35 year old chav telling me all about being done for street racing, that his dad owned a 3. On and on.
Sorry, that dating someone makes me depressed something
I thought do you know what mate stuff this! I had been speaking to him daily for 4 weeks. Communication will not mean you will meet a genuine honest person. Where are the good ones gone!! I don't know about the loneliness stuff. I keep busy, work a regular 40 hour week, work out and walk my dog when I get home, and try to do stuff with friends when they aren't at a bar or with their families.
I drink, but right now I don't. Part of my process of healing has been to put all of my efforts in eating 'clean' and working out to get those emotions out, so I gave up alcohol.
Not hard for me, but I'm doing it anyways. I just miss having a woman around, so is that loneliness? You go from having that female touch whenever you want it to not at all. I don't need it - I want it. Is that wrong? That said, it needs to be from someone I want to be with. I worked out my issues a long time ago, and while there's always room for personal growth, I'm at a place where I'm ready for the next relationship.
I miss having a man around so I suppose its a void in my life that I want filled. You have a void I go to bed on my own and I miss cuddling up with a man and having him to rely on. I think your self esteem issues are better then mine and I need to improve myself to you level. I note you go to the gym and you say it gets your emotions out I plan to join a gym. Previously whenever I have been single I get into a rebound or relationship straight away hence the reason none of them worked.
Like you I think its right that we don't just settle for anyone as it won't last and we will just end up hurting the person we got involved with when we didn't really want them. While there's plenty you can do to support your partner, be mindful that you can't make their health problems disappear.
Encourage and support them, but don't put the whole weight of their depression on your shoulders. It can look so obvious from the outside: If they just focused on the positives and counted their blessings, they'd feel so much better! But try to refrain from offering your two cents when dating someone with depression unless your partner has asked for it.
In the same way, saying things like "cheer up" or "things aren't so bad" won't help-depression is a mental health issue, not a bad mood.
Instead, just remind your partner that you're here for them and you believe in them. Losing interest in activities is a symptom of depression, so don't be surprised or offended if your partner would rather stay home than go out. The first step is to encourage your partner to get out of their comfort zone and follow through on your plans, says Kissen.
But if they insist on skipping, you can only control your own actions-not theirs. When your partner isn't up for grabbing dinner outit can be easy to lapse into a relationship that mostly happens over text, points out San.
But when one partner has depression, it's more important than ever to make sure you're actually seeing each other in person often. By making a point of meeting in person, you can help fight those feelings of detachment your S. Because depression can lead to feelings of detachment, you might feel like your partner is starting to lose interest. If that happens, don't just accept it as the new normal without checking in with your partner.
It's scary and uncomfortable to hear someone talk about suicidal thoughtsbut it's important to have an open dialogue. But actually, I don't think that's necessarily a very helpful way to respond," says San. By figuring out what's really going through your partner's mind, you can figure out if dying is a fantasy that they'd never act on or if there's a real emergency at hand, she says.
Dating with Depression: Expert Tips to Help You Succeed. In short, wading into the online dating world has left me a bit depressed about finding someone new. I'm starting to think getting out and volunteering is going to be my best bet of meeting someone. Online dating really seems like a mega ego boost for women, many of whom are fishing in deeper waters than they could on an even playing field. May 21, The negative stigma attached to depression can dissuade depressed people from dating or from talking about their mental health. The stigma surrounding depression not only makes .
Either way, it's important to get those feelings out in the open and encourage your partner to get help. In some couples, the non-depressed partner starts doing the brunt of the chores, like making dinner, paying the bills, and cleaning up, says San. When dating someone with depression, keeping an open conversation will help you and your partner get through depressive episodes together.
Talking about what hasn't worked in the past can be just as helpful as knowing what does work, says Kissen. Maybe your partner's parents used to try to overcompensate with peppiness, so that kind of sugar-coating sets their teeth on edge.
Kissen recommends coming up with a code word for when your partner needs space. It can be tempting to look at a significant other who's been acting distant and uninterested and assume they must have undiagnosed depression. But unless they've actually gotten a psychiatric workup or you've talked about the change of behavior, you can't assume that mental health problems are behind their actions.
Some couples aren't meant to be. If your S. You might feel guilty adding to your partner's list of things to feel down about, but it's not your responsibility to make them happy, and you shouldn't feel stuck in a bad relationship.