You will probably judge me We have been going out for almost 7 months now. I never had any intentions on dating someone with that much of an age gap with me technically being a minor and neither did he. But we became best friends and I have never felt the way about anyone as I did about him. We both decided not to date eachother because of the age.
Give it to her! Behave like her chevalier. The younger generation often forgets about good manners. Encourage her self-growth. Young people long for more knowledge and understanding of the reality. If a something woman chooses you as her romantic partner, you can help you become a better person. Learn new things from her. A relationship becomes harmonious when lovers exchange their feelings and thoughts.
Your significant other is also capable of broadening your circle of interests and knowledge. Stay away from controlling her. This is one of the most important rules to follow while dating a year-old woman. If you put pressure on her beloved one, she will become detached and irritated. Keep the balance between care and pursuit! Let it all develop step by step. Young women can be frightened by your increased attention; this is absolutely normal. There is no sense to rush it - give her time to get to know you and find out more about her too.
Take the lead. To impress a young Russian girl, you should take the initiative. Do not hesitate to make the first steps towards her if you really feel there is the connection between the two of you.
Raise your confidence. When it comes to dealing with younger women, confidence should become your main weapon. Do not concentrate on your age peculiarities or your personal flaws. Nobody is perfect but this is what makes any of us unique. Accept the possible changes. Your partner will get older and she will develop new qualities, opinions, interests and skills. Be ready for these fruits of her evolution.
While everything seems absolutely clear and you are ready to go for it, there are still some things that you need to consider before dating a year younger girl. But before that, we need to answer another important question "Why older men prefer dating younger women? Some will definitely stand by the fact that the main reason for dating younger girls is their young flesh and beautiful bodies, but that's not the main point.
Body comes as a side advantage. The main reason why older men date younger women is the easy to get admiration.
As younger women have less firm opinions than their older counterparts, it is much more easier to win her admiration by your experience and baggage. But that admiration comes with its pros and cons, which we are going to discuss without any further ado.
Older women had experienced a lot of ups and downs in their life, and, let's be honest, not all of them can handle it well. As a result, dating someone of your age results into exchanging of your emotional baggage and experience. That can be fun, but not when you are looking for something refreshing.
Younger women, on the other hand still have that soft charm that comes with lack of experience. While you have the experience and you kinda have to be the one to teach her something, she can refresh your point of view. Experience is great, but sometimes you get blinded by it, as you base all of your decisions and opinions on it. A girl which is not blinded with emotional and life baggage can teach you how to think alternatively. With age men become less and less adventurous. The balanced life takes its tall and you lead a simple work-home-work-home life, with some parties you visit to have some fun.
A year younger women can easily make your life different by bringing the adventurous you back. While at first you may disregard such idea as you can think that you will look silly, but that's just what you need if you want her to refresh your life. Remember yourself ten to twenty years ago? Well, that's the chance to get back to it, but with a great bonus. That was the biggest age gap, but there have been several others of years, and those haven't worked out any worse than my involvements with people closer to my age.
Even if he doesn't have another girlfriend, he seems like a bit of a mess. If you can get out, you probably should. If you can't bring yourself to, well, bad times make good stories for later. This guy is wasting your time. Call him up and let him down like the confused puppy he is. Best of luck! When I was a youngster, I dated a few guys who were much older and, yeah, they all turned out to be sort of losers.
But, I handled them all pretty well, in retrospect. The guy who was joking about "jail bait" on our third date? See ya.
Sorry - if you can't handle the age difference then what the hell am I supposed to do? Another guy just really seemed to like showing me off to his friends but had precious little to talk about when we were together. My most serious age-gap boyfriend was only five years older but I was 19 and that was a big gap at that age. I realized that I wasn't ready to be his long-term relationship which is what he was very ready to have and so I broke it off. Later that summer, I accepted a date with a guy who I pegged to be about 25, maybe.
Anyway, you have agency here. This guy is just not going to work out and who knows what his problem is. But he's 34 and if he can't get it together at that age then I don't think you want to mess around with him.
Not this fake sort of break-up you've been having, but for real. Not because this dude is older than you. Because this dude is a jerk.
It is perfectly okay to say to someone, honestly and kindly, "I like you, but I really want a sexual relationship, which you are not currently interested in, so I'm afraid this isn't going to work out for me. And just because he stopped doing that for the time being doesn't mean it was okay for him to do it, repeatedly, in the first place, or that he won't do it again.
I think the issue here is that this man is attracted to you, but really wants to have sex, NOW, and is not patient enough to wait for you to feel comfortable about it, or reasonable enough to have a respectful and rational, no-pressure conversation with you about it. I think he feels just guilty enough about having those feelings, and having already pressured you over it, that he is now engaged in a weird kabuki dance about what he actually wants instead of telling you, or openly admitting to himself, what he actually wants which is a partner who will have sex with him, now.
It's weird to demand a specific planned length for a relationship before it even starts. I think he started doing this in order to convince you and himself, too, probably that he's really for real committed enough to be worthy of you giving up your virginity and having sex with him.
It's weird to suddenly impose rules on a relationship like "we can have lunch dates but you can't come over to my house anymore.
I agree with everybody here. And the weirdest thing by far is the 'term limits' on the relationships. No, that's not usually how people approach relationships; typically, they are more open-ended in the the expectation is just that they'll continue until they don't, get progressively more intimate unlike this one and I don't mean sexually intimateand timetables only enter in if one party is wanting to move forward faster than the other, and then they have to decide how long they are going to give the current relationship to develop.
You have many other options. The most important argument here, I think, is that no matter what's going on, this guy is not acting at all like a guy who's interested in you for you. I know it's exciting to be the pursued one and to feel like you are caught up in star-crossed, tortured romance, but actually, compared to being loved and respected by a peer, it's all kind of crap. This guy knows better.
He's trying to get out. You should give him his walking papers to make it easier on both of you. You're 20! You should be having a great time dating people who are somewhere closer in life to where you are - wanting to get to know each other, enjoy spending time together, and making big life decisions at a pace that's appropriate and comfortable to you.
Dating is not illegal for a 17 and 20 year old. However, if sex occurs, depending the state, it may be considered Statutory rape. In Mississippi under, Miss CODE § , Statutory rape is defined as: "when offender at least 17 has sexual intercourse with a child at least 14 but under 16, and offender is at least 3 years older than victim.".
Yeah, that is weird. It reminded me of the movie Guinevere. There's this guy who dates a series of younger women for a couple of years apiece, and it's treated like he's a sort of postgraduate program they are going through. I think this is a good movie for people to watch if they find themselves dating mentor figures.
It does put a positive spin on this type of relationship, presenting it as a formative experience, but it's rather eye-opening. Try going no-contact for some set period of time perhaps three months and don't break it-set an expectation with him that, as a matter of respect toward you, he needs to honor the no-contact period. Give yourself and him! The whole "We're meeting at coffee shops but not anywhere that could lead to sex" plan is terrible, and I suspect he knows it.
It will just keep the two of you in a space where the relationship is an enticing possibility, not a reality you're exploring and then choosing to continue or sever. Neither his sexuality nor yours is a wild force that needs to be contained in public spaces lest it unleash itself-sex is something you choose to do together, and you could very easily choose to leave the coffee shop, go to his house, and have sex.
For 20 year old guy dating 17 year old curious
Or, you could have a romantic dinner at his house and choose not to have sex. Take him at his word that he no longer wants to be in the relationship he's been trying to persuade you to commit to. Ignore his flip-flopping about "no contact doesn't seem right, either. Block this guy's access to you online, phone, etc and RUN. He's not a nice fellow, and I'm having a very difficult time understanding how a percentage of mefites in this thread interpreted his actions as though he is nice and trustworthy.
I dated with that age gap at your age. I'm older now. Yes the age gap can be OK, but in your case, this guy is manipulating you. I think he maybe has a girlfriend, and either way he's playing games because you are still a virgin. Go cold turkey. He should have initiated this when he discovered you weren't up for having sex with him. At 34, he's planning on having a 4 to 5 year long relationship with you that includes sex.
WTF is that? Is he telling you he is not the marrying kind, but a player instead? I think so. All of the break-ups, and then re-initiating contact? He's trying to wear you down so you'll sleep with him -OR- he's an immature drama queen. Either way, it's beneath you, at any age. No, seriously. Block all access from this guy and move on with your life. He's no bueno. You deserve much much better. Since you asked I'm unclear if he thinks relationships have predictable expiration dates or if that's just the way things seem to work out for him.
But if it's the first, I've actually known someone who thought that way. I think it was based on one of Ursula Le Guin's novels. Couples entered relationship contracts that lasted for a set amount of time, instead of getting married as we earthlings do. It's less about the age gap then about this particular guy. I get a bad feeling about him. On the other hand, we learn by making mistakes.
He seems to be the kind of mistake one could survive. Call him out on this stuff. Haven't you a choice and a responsibility in the matter too? Why would you inevitably end up hating him? Not only bad, say I. That said, frequent mini-breakups are a bit of a reddish mini-flag nevertheless. I don't think this guy necessarily has to be the huge manipulator and a Bad Person, as some commenters suggest, but might just be really torn in the way he describes.
Because none of us is perfect, we don't always display full maturity at all times; so, despite realizing that he shouldn't be dating you for all the reasons he says, he's quite right in those and it looks like he has a realistic view of the situationhe's still attracted to you, and those continued meetings just fuel the fire.
So it's hard to let go of this possibility of a relationship, even if he knows that it's a really bad idea.
I'm a 34 year old myself, and I tend to date women years younger than myself - in my experience, I'm had the best relationships from that age bracket. Occasionally I may break the unofficial "rule" and go out with somebody 10 years younger when we really "click" but at the back of my mind, there's always this concern that maybe I'm taking advantage of her.
I tend not to vocalize these feelings because dating is complicated enough without creating drama by saying every silly thought that crosses one's mind, but it's there. So on the one hand, I want to reassure you that most of this guy's concerns and feelings are perfectly normal. On the other hand, the fact that he hasn't successfully resolved his inner conflict and continues to express it to you even though you have absolutely no ability to fix it it's not like you can snap your fingers and magically become older suggests that he's a drama llama.
I recommend telling him it's time to man up and decide what he wants, then stop agonizing about it. This just sounds like a complete mess.
This: Before he preached about "strong feelings" and "love down the line" is crazy manipulative all by itself. At 34 years old, this guy has been alive long enough to know that frequent meet-ups at coffee shops and other "safe" locations "just fuel the fire," as Ender's Friend put it. Whether the guy is playing with his own emotions, or playing with the OP's, this is not the trusting and honest relationship which leads to lifetime commitment the OP is looking for.
17 YEAR AGE GAP RELATIONSHIP Q\u0026A IN COSTA RICA: DATING A 40 YEAR OLD AT 20
This is a guy who thinks relationships top out at 4 to 5 years, max. The OP doesn't need to stick around to try and change someone who holds a stunted view on intimate relationships. And by the way OP, I think you are totally correct - after dating somone for two years, both parties have enough data to decide if the relationship will lead to marriage or not. OP, if you are going to date someone 14 years older than you, date a Man.
Don't date a Peter Pan-type with commitment issues. Being a player or an immature commitment-phobe with stunted views on intimate relationships does not make this guy a "Bad Person.
Is he a poor choice for mentor or friendship material? OP, the mini break-ups and chaste coffee shop lust isn't romantic because it is not leading anywhere solid. Upon Preview, wolfdreams01 really nails what I'm trying to say: "On the other hand, the fact that he hasn't successfully resolved his inner conflict and continues to express it to you even though you have absolutely no ability to fix it it's not like you can snap your fingers and magically become older suggests that he's a drama llama.
I wonder if this is in part what's behind the meeting in public places requirement? That would make him an "MF" in my book if he was keeping secrets and playing with people's hearts. However, I can back off on that point and still say that in all my years of experience, I've learned this: Relationships that feature obstacles and lots of mini break-ups never turn into what either person involved wants or needs.
Thanks for all the quick replies. Sorry I may have painted him in the wrong light: he's never pushed me for sex. In fact, the one time I suggested that to him he said we weren't ready to go there yet. He's been meticulously careful about building up to it, the issue is more that I don't like oral and he thinks I should experience that before actual sex.
He's never made blunt advances, just made it clear that he wants to fuck me eventually. I genuinely don't think he has a girlfriend, albeit a serious one.
He hates cheating and honestly working hours a week I don't think one would have time for that. Going into the line of work he is in, I know personally maintaining one relationship is difficult enough, having two with that while working 80 hours a week is unreal.
We also talk regularly on the phone late at night which I imagine is not very likely to happen if a girlfriend is a reality.
What that 20 year old guy dating 17 year old can ask
He's also definitely not a "losing loser" as some people have described. One of the reasons I like him is because he is very inspiring in his work ethic and charity work. He didn't grow up in the best of circumstances but has really built a great life for himself. Just some more comments - dont know if it will change people's perceptions.
He may be very good at dealing with his work life but make incredibly poor choices regarding his emotional attachments to people. From what you have shared here, he sounds like he likes you but cannot get past the age gap.
This can create an unintentional power struggle, especially if you are not as experienced. I would step back from all of this, especially because of the history of mini breakups.
That is just manipulating and drama-Rama. You should be having this discussion together; he shouldn't be telling you what you want out of a relationship.
As many, many others have said, it's really not an issue of the age difference; it's an issue of the nature of the relationship. It doesn't really sound like a healthy relationship to me; he sounds as if he's taken on something of a paternalistic role, which is almost guaranteed to lead to a messed-up dynamic.
20 year old guy dating 17 year old
Have you ever had a Facebook friend who is slightly nuts and full of drama, and you keep looking at her posts and feeling irritated, and like you want to engage, and tell her to stop being so dramatic and fighty about everything, and it's this tiny thorn in your paw whenever you notice?
And then eventually you just hide her posts, and oh my God, it's like night and day, the annoyance totally evaporates, and you can't believe you put up with it for so long? In my experience, that's what this type of relationship is like. The drama is both annoying and sort of addictive, but as soon as you walk away, you're like - OH.
Oh, wow. I didn't actually like that very much. I don't know if the age difference is necessarily a problem, but does this relationship really feel fun and supportive to you? Or do you spend a lot of time with an anxious knot in your gut, wondering if he's going to call, or what he'll say when you see him, if he'll smile when you walk in or frown dramatically and then tell you you definitely have to break up this time, etc?
Like many people, I had a few mildly dramatic relationships when I was your age. Why did I put up with that? Why did I engage with those people? I wasn't even having a very good time!
They weren't fun, I wasn't learning anything very useful about how adults behave in relationships, and they were so full of mild drama and I felt anxious all the time. The only thing they had going for them was that the very drama they generated was mildly exciting and made me think "I guess this is what the beginning of a relationship is like! Maybe this is how you know this is going to be an important one! That's how you know that the relationship will be ridiculous and full of drama.
I mean, look, you're young and you're figuring things out.
Will it ruin your life if you remain involved with this guy? Probably not use birth controlbut on the other hand You are a young, happening lady, and there are definitely other fellows out there who would love to date you without weird flip-flopping drama about everything. I personally think those guys are the ones you want. Just because dating without a knot of tension in your stomach is more fun!
BlahLaLa is 13 years older than I am, and we met when I was We've been together for more than 20 years, so yeah, I don't think the age difference alone is a deal breaker. But the difference between our relationship and yours is that ours was drama-free and fairly healthy right from the get-go. Yours isn't. Drop it and move along.
He's not the right guy for you, and the age difference is just a tiny part if why. You have multiple people with much more experience telling you he's sleeping with someone else based on your last paragraph.
Let me bold the parts that stand out: After all of his blunt interest in the past, all of a sudden "he doesn't want to be the guy to take my virginity. How could someone who talks about that completely flip flop to " I can't see you anymore because if I do I know I won't let you go"? I am I wish that when I was 20 someone with more experience had shown me the things to look for.
The rule says the youngest age someone can date with the relationship being socially acceptable. What you have to do is divide the older person's age by 2 then add 7. According to this, a 20 year old dating a 17 year old is acceptable. Regardless of what I just said, I . Being Friends with year olds and crossing the line? Are age gaps predatory? Guys,what's your maximum age difference for your partner? 20 year old guy dating a 16 year old. Is 24 too old? Do men think that it's ok to go out with much younger women? 17 year old girl and 24 year old boy 21 year old dating a 17 year old, wrong? Jun 26, Hey anyone want to weigh in on this situation? If a 20 year old college guy meets a 17 year old high school girl and starts dating her would you call this cradle robbing or is it no bid deal? The age gap is around years. Or does is just depend? (Please note this situation takes place in Toronto, which may or may not matter).
I'm showing you now. Run away from this guy. At best he's a muddled mess and a horrible mismatch for you. It's more likely, though, that he's a liar. I would highly recommend rephrasing this question in your mind as "a 20 year old dating a 34 year old. Too much drama, yet all of it backstage. Find a guy who isn't so squirrelly about his intentions and his life. It seems pretty fucking far. It is also really not a good sign how much you've focused on what he wants instead of what you want.
From the distance of the internet, that you are at least under the impression that he works 80 hours a week is not actually a good sign, at least from where we sit. Working 80 hours a week is not something you can really do and date one person, I've done it before and it is really really non-trivial; that is 12 hours a day every day, which minus 8 hours for sleeping and leaves 4 hours total for everything else from shitting to laundry to commuting to eating.
It sounds an awful lot like the kind of thing someone who spends a normal amount of time with their girlfriend would say to explain their naturally sporadic amount of time to the girl being groomed on the side. This guy is taking advantage of the many subtle and non-intuitive things you don't yet know to look for but are freaking the fuck out of the many older women in this thread who have literally been there and are trying to point them out.
He is both fully defining the relationship, hell you even phrased your question as if from his perspective, and using that power to craft a really unhealthy one.
Are not 20 year old guy dating 17 year old can suggest visit
You don't need to deal with this bullshit. Breaking up and getting back together multiple times is something that teenagers or other 20 year olds do, not mature grown men in their 30s.
I don't think the issue here is this man's age, but rather his maturity or rather, lack thereof. He seems to want to control the level of contact you guys have, the amount and type of physical contact, and the length of your relationship. OP, is that what you want from a boyfriend? Late night conversations makes this worse, not better. He's keeping you from being intimate with anyone else, any one who is not him.
If she was 20 and you were 29 that would still be tough but it wouldn't be wrong. At that age she would be more able to at least decide that she wants to pursue an older man. Dec 08, Hell, a 20 or even 23 year old guy has a decent shot at being a virgin himself, or at least being sexually inexperienced enough that this won't really be a thing. Someone who is 34 and became sexually active around the typical age range has been having sex for close to half their life now. Mar 10, Yes personally I think a 20 year old guy can date a 17 year old, I think its acceptable for anyone from to date a 17 year old as long as they both have good intentions Login to reply the.
Yet, he doesn't believe in relationships that last more than 5 years? And he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, anyway? Please don't let someone like this have that kind of power over your present or future. Your first statements about him pressuring you for sex were very clear. Also, your statements were very familiar to me, so therefore, much more believable than your backtracking.
Please don't make excuses for this guy. It is NOT your fault that he came on so strong and inappropriately, so don't take on his burden by now downplaying what happened. You're better than that. Please understand that men will be propositioning you in ways that reflect poorly on them not you for many many years to come. No one here is slut-shaming you, so don't you do start doing that to yourself!! Telling you what kind of sex you should engage in?
That he has weighed in with his opinion on what type of sexual intimacies you should try, and in what order, despite the fact that he's rejected you as too young, yet he texts and phone calls you like you are his girlfriend That spells "User.
Every second you spend talking to or thinking about this guy puts you further away from appreciating how valuable your time and energy is, and further away from being in the relationship you really want.
I have a weird feeling that this guy is an investment banker, or at least that type. In that culture, a pretty 20 year old virgin is a trophy. I suspect he can't bear to give the trophy up to anyone else, but is aware of how using you would harm you; thus, his conflict.
You can do better. Stay away. OP: Your follow-up response has made it abundantly clear to me that 1 you like and admire the man, and 2 you're going to become increasingly uncomfortable with the responses on this thread. So, my practical answer for you is No - he's not robbing the cradle. Age gaps are not the critical issue alone. Rather, continue seeing him as long as you are fulfilled and enjoying the relationship with him. When that changes, move on.
OP, of the things wrong with this relationship, the age difference is not one of them. I do like him but I also do really appreciate all the advice that everyone has given here. I believe there is cause to question the relationship I wouldn't have posted if I didn't. In the follow up comment, I was just trying to make sure I was portraying it the right way which might not have been the case when I posted late last night posted by avenue at AM on December 8, Ugh this guy is way too immature and gross for a 34 year old guy.
We both decided not to date eachother because of the age. I care about him alot, and I would say for my age I am pretty mature.
The Pros and Cons of Dating a Year Younger Girl. While everything seems absolutely clear and you are ready to go for it, there are still some things that you need to consider before dating a year younger girl. But before that, we need to answer another important question "Why older men prefer dating younger women?". In other words, while the rule states that year-old women can feel comfortable dating year-old men, this does not reflect the social preferences and standards of women. There is nothing illegal about a 20 year old dating a 17 year old. However, the 17 year old's parents could stop her from dating. The age of consent for sexual relations in Michigan is
Most of my friends are over 18, I have a full time job, and am graduating this year and going to college to be a nurse. I want to be with him for a long time, and he wants to be with me. The problem is he turns 21 in two months. Also he will be able to go out to bars every weekend Do you think 21 and 17 is really wrong if theyve been togahter for along time And we do sleep with eachother I really don't see the problem here like really not at all.
I don't get why the society you live in is it a muslim society?
20 year old guy dating 17 year old apologise, but
Yes personally I think a 20 year old guy can date a 17 year old, I think its acceptable for anyone from to date a 17 year old as long as they both have good intentions. But we became best friends and I have never Hey I havae friends that have the same ''problem'' as you. But she will turn 18 in a few weeks, so only 2 yrs of gap. ANyway if you trust him, and u truly love him, than u should not rly care about what other people say :.
If ppl are trying to break you guys up, just ignore them. If by any mischance they are right about they say, u will suppport the consequences but at least you would have learned. So thats what u need to tell them, that u only learn from ur mistakes by actully bumping into them.